Im in love with an ASSHOLE!!!!

OMFG, "A" has been texting for a couple of days now and WHY I even answer is just beyond ME!!!  He hasn't said  one kind word and continuously asks for me to buy him shit. 

Briefly what happened is: - about 6weeks ago he went into total DICK mode.  He was hungry and tired and cranky and was yelling at me for not being able to bring him food fast enough.  This was AFTER he called me and told me he was feeling lazy and didn't want to get out of bed yet - "Can you come to me instead of meeting at the gym?"  I were supposed to meet at the gym at 830 but after his call I took my time and made him a healthy juice, packed him a lunch and headed out to him.  It was like 845 when I told him I was on my way and he got all pissed off because I was taking too long.  I'm like "Are you fucking kidding me?????  OK, forget it - I'm going to the gym without you"  So I did, I just went and worked out and left him there.  (That is what I do when he goes into dick mode) I was planning on taking him shopping or getting a pedicure or something after the gym because he likes to do that.  I went without him and got a pedicure, I texted and told him - "I'm getting your pedicure and when I'm done I'm going to fill my tank with YOUR gas."  He's tells me "Good for you!!!"  What an ass!!!!

So that was a Wednesday.  He didn't talk to me for days after that and by the weekend I'm a bit freaked out.  I ask him "Are we broke up now?  Is it time?  Do I need to go to a 12 step "A" program to recover from breaking up with you?"  LOL, that was always our joke because I'm so hopelessly in love with this jerk.  He texts me and says "We will start fresh next week."  So what the fuck does that mean exactly?  I don't even know so I stop texting - just take a deep breathe and let it go.

Monday I'm driving to work and I get a text from him that says "Did you buy my mask"  (Long story but he always wants SOMETHING and when he behaves I buy it for him).  I answer "no".  He says "What about my pills"  I answer "UM, NOOOOO!!!!!"   Then he says "Whatever, fuck you then, I'm out."  So I say "OK, Thank you for the time we had"


AND THAT WAS THAT!!!!   6 FUCKING WEEKS AGO.

No calls, no texts to contact no nothing.  I was all fucked up the weekend I was in limbo but after I told him OK, I felt better.  I wasn't all sad and emotional, I didn't cry, I didn't feel like my heart was breaking in two and that I wouldn't survive the day.  I actually felt a bit like "WHAT FUCKING EVER!!!!!"

The past six weeks have been completely drama free for me.  Really nice - my protein lasted a whole month, the gas in my car lasts a whole week and there is money in my bank.  I miss him, yes, but I don't feel lost or devastated or broken without him.  I actually did my first threesome about 3 weeks ago and I'll tell you about that another time.  Im not seeing anyone but I haven't quite been without attention so I've been good.

So this weekend I'm partying with friends at a big dance festival and I get a random text from Poncho - a guy we worked out with on occasion.  I answered but knew right away that it was "A" telling him to text. 

Sure enough on Monday morning I get a text from "A" - "What's up cougar, you over it yet?"  What a dick - He asked if I wanted to go the gym and I said I didn't think so.  Then when I'm AT the gym he texts and asked if I went already.  I say I'm on cardio finishing up.  He asks if I want to come and pick him up  and go with him.  I say no but if he wants to come to MY house I'll go with him to the gym here.  He answers "How about I come to your house and fuck you?"  (Now you have to understand the history here.  He never wanted to fuck me - he only did it to make ME happy so I would buy him shit and be his personal cougar with a credit card.) 

At some point I will write a story about our stupid relationship but that was the jilst of it.  General agreement- Be nice, pay attention and FUCK me and I will buy you stuff and pay for your gas and be your personal cougar with a bank account.  It worked for a bit but then I fell in love with him and well, it's history after that.  LOL

So now it's been since Monday he has been texting me.  Today is Thursday.  I keep answering but haven't agreed to fuck him, to see him OR to buy him anything.  I'm afraid that if I see him, it will all be over.  I'll slip right back into the same bullshit again.  But at the same time, I miss our stupid relationship - even if I know it's stupid.


Anyway, am I completely insane to want to see him?  Is it normal to want something back that was so fucking dysfunctional to start with?  I do it KNOWING I'm doing it.  There are NO false intentions here.

Does that make me crazy or just a hopeless attention whore!!!!

The "Lifestyle"

So I met this guy that is involved in what is called "the lifestyle".  This is how the swingers refer to their lifestyles.  Now I've never done a threesome or been with a woman and this is something I'd like to knock off my bucket list before I'm too old.  I've done a little research on the matter and put up a profile on a swinger website but never met anyone I really wanted to actually have sex with, let alone several at a time.

 

Here is a little background into what I've done so far in regards to finding a way to ease my way into this lifestyle.  Like I said, I put up a profile on a swinger site looking for a couple that would invite me into the bedroom to show me something new.  Unfortunately,  if I'm going to be with a woman (I'm not gay, just curious) she would have to be HOT.  At least as hot or hotter than me anyway.  I've met women before that would show me a lesbian experience but my response is "EWWW".  So imagine how difficult it is to find a couple in which BOTH people are hot enough via pictures alone to consider having sex with on a first date.  Also, 98% of the people that responded to my profile were SINGLE MEN!!!!  I even clearly stated in my profile that if they were a single man, DO NOT CONTACT ME, single men are easily accessible to me on and off line so why would I go online searching for the bozos that answer my profile.  Not one single hot guy contacted me.  All old dorky, overweight, unattractive men.  I guess that's why they are there in the first place huh, sex is not easy for them to get.

 

Any way, I met and dated a man about 4 times that was actively involved in the life.  So he said.  He claimed to be an anti aging doctor and was looking for a playmate for him and his girl.  I met him but never his girl.  I kissed him a few times but that was it.  Not that great a kisser and no desire to see him naked.  He wouldn't introduce me to his girl or show me pics or take me to any of his parties unless I priced I was for real by having sex with him!  Well geez, sounded like bullshit to me so I stopped dating him.  

 

Then I met a girl that was bi and smashed to a man. She was hot in her pictures and we exchanged

numbers.  We charged via text for several wells before we actually met.  They lived about an hour away so it was difficult.  One weekend I drove up there to meet them at a local bar and meet her and her fiance. He was nice,  handsome for a young guy,  doable in my book for sure.  But her,  albeit she was cute but she was very plastic.  Had lots of work done to her face and it didn't look natural.  But worst of all she was really drunk! !! Loud, obnoxious,  just everything I find unattractive in a woman.  Needless to say,  I tolerated it for about 30 min and then said good bye and headed home.

After that I stopped actively seeking.  Kind of turned me off. Want long after that "A" and I started doing it again and then I was all focused on that for a while. 

 

Now I met another guy that days he is into the lifestyle.  He I very cute though and I already romped him a couple of times so we will see where it goes.  He is a very real, down to earth guy so this will be fun if nothing else.

 

I will keep you posted on whether or not this actually happens or not. 

Am I crazy to want to knock a threesome off my list of things to do before I die? Have YOU done it? ? Tell me a story. 

 

U can email it batshitcrazychick.readers@blogger.com.  if it's good I'll post it for u.

 

Change the names and dates to protect the innocent! !

Las Vegas for or the 4th!!!!

I'm getting ready to go to Vegas for the 4th of July weekend.  We go every year at this time for a big dance convention.  It's one of my daughters most favorite events of the year.  We are both very excited.  We have been planning it for several months. 

 

I contemplated taking "A" with us because he expressed a desire to go and I would like nothing more than to spend a fun weekend with my 2 favorite people in the world, "A" and my daughter. 

Unfortunately we are broke up so I'm glad I didn't make any real arrangements for him to go.  He is very unreliable and breaks up with me at the drop off a hat for nothing which is why I would never actually PAY anything for him to go without some sort of collateral.   I know,  sounds stupid,  but like I said before,  he is a real little bitch.  Can't trust him to follow through with anything.  Requires entirely too much care for a young stud. 

 

So I am going with my daughter, my ex boyfriend that I'm still friends with but don't sleep with any more and one of my favorite dance partners that I've been friends with for over 10yrs.   I slept with him once but he is very small.  Well,  he is a very small person,  only 5 feet tall,  and everything is pretty much proportionate.   I love him dearly though,  just not sexually.

 

My Dance friend from up north is going too. She is a bigger cougar than me and lots of fun to party with.  It will b crowded in the room but I think it will b lots of fun. 

 

U think I'm crazy for spending 4 days in a condo with my daughter as well as 2 men I've slept with in the past? I don't think so. 

 

I will write a post when I get back and tell u all about my crazy weekend. 

I think I would like to hear some stories from my readers.   I don't even know if I HAVE any yet but this blog is getting hits so I know SOMEONE has stopped by. 

 

Give me some comments.  Vote and tell me if u think I'm crazy or not.  Interact with me. 

Whoever you are.  Tell me your crazy stories and send them to batshitcrazychick.readers@blogspot.com.   I'll read it and if it's worthy i'll post it.  I would love to hear from you.
 

Fat Bloated Cow!!!

I feel like a big fat bloated cow today.  Of course my monthly flow started and truthfully, I'm quite sick of the whole thing already.  I'm going to be 48 in a couple of months and I don't think I need my uterus any more.  It's time for all that stuff to come OUT!!!  I have some friends that did it and it is just fabulous.  NO MORE PERIODS!!!   They vacation whenever they want and don't have to worry about bringing tampons or meeting some hot vacation guy and not being able to roll around with him.



I started mine at the age of 12 or so - 7th grade.  I've been very regular and having monthly flows ever since.  The only time I DIDN'T was when I was pregnant and when I took depo shots for 6 months.  I gained so much weight on those injections that I just stopped.  I can't stand being fat.  It makes me tired and plummets my self esteem.  Did I ever mention that I'm a total fitness freak? 

So back to the point.  I want to be able to have sex whenever I want and not worry about being on a
stupid rag every month.  I have a sex date tonight and what do you know!!!!!  I started bleeding this morning.  FUCK.  Having a period is just a big fat cock blocker.  I didn't want to cancel because I haven't seen this guy in a while and he is SMOKIN hot!!!  Love to look at him naked.  Rub lotion on him.  Spoil him to the best of my ability.  I guess I have 2 other orifices he can make use of but it's really not the same without the vajajay right?

This story is just getting stupid.  Not sure I'm even gonna publish it.  I'm sitting here trying to think of something fun to write about and this is my dilemma right now.  I have smoking hot young stud coming over to hang, cuddle and play with my twa and I'm BLEEDING!!!!  Like a damn teenager.  WTF!!!!

Am I crazy to let this bother me??

What's a crazy girl to do????

So "A" has been gone for 2 weeks now.  I miss him like crazy but I'm NOT texting or calling him.  He is such a little bitch and I think I'm actually TIRED of the whole thing.  Being in a relationship with him physically made me tired.  Have you ever been with anyone that you feel for from the bottom of your soul?  Someone that brought out emotions in you that you haven't felt or been exposed to before?  Someone that could push your buttons and made you feel like absolute shit one minute and completely elated the next?  He was like that.  I have had the weirdest relationship with him than any man I've ever been with EVER!!!!

I have some seriously mixed emotions about him and I don't want to say anything really negative but right now my feelings are a bit negative when it comes to him so maybe I will wait. 

I just had a total Dejavu right now.  Weird. 

Crazy business ideas

It looks as though I'm at a point again where I need some sort of business or tax deduction to be able to get my money back at the end of the year.  I don't know about you but being single without an owned home, I pay ALOT in taxes.   That brings me to the story of my business that went south.  Another crazy bad decision I deem worthy of blogging about.

About 12 yrs ago I started a business online.  It started fairly small and grew because I'm such an obsessive person and I spent hours upon hours of time online promoting and getting the name out there.  When I was grossing about 12k a month I ran across a physical location that I felt was a PERFECT place to grow my business.  It was a total fluke that I even considered it but it was directly across the parking lot from the gym I was working out at.   As a matter of fact, 6 years prior it WAS a gym and they closed and opened across the parking lot to be a bigger, better gym with a pool.  The place was trashed because it had been vacant for so long but anything can be fixed up right?

I called the number on the window and talked to the leasing agency.  She was really nice but she told me the going rate was 3.50 a sq. foot and the space I was interested in was 12226.  That would make my rent almost 43k a month.  Well that was certainly unrealistic.  I should of given up at that point but NOOOOOOO.  Batsit had to keep looking into other options and what might work better. 

I became obsessed with the idea of putting my business in this space.  Now remember, I work as a nurse, have my whole life.  I have no business experience other than my online sales.  I'm a pretty smart chick though  so I figured "How hard can it be" right?  WRONG!!!   LOL  Another BAD decision.

I did the best I possibly could though.  Someone told me about a leasing agent for commercial property and gave me  the number of a guy they knew.  He was just awesome.  His job was to find me a place and negotiate the lease with the landlord and make sure they don't rip me off.  He did an absolutely stupendous job.  I would never of came as far as I did without that guy.  PLUS. they do it all on the commission of the lease so I never paid him a penny.

I did a pretty involved business plan and did a little research on the market in the area.  I was able to put together at least 5 streams of revenue and estimate the amount that each one would put out at a minimum amount of purchases.  I unfortunately was NOT able to properly estimate utilities because the electric company just doesn't help at all and not other spaces in the complex were as big as this one.  I also couldn't estimate the amount of revenues from surrounding like businesses because access to that information was not readily available to people like me.  So I pretty much did educated guessing on a minimum amount of people that would pay for services and everything looked pretty realistic.

I then needed about 250k to get the business started.  Now where the hell am I supposed to get that kinda money?  I owned 2 homes at the time.  One was worth about 650k the other about 3.  About 20% equity in each because the market had climbed a bit since I bought them.  I had about 10k in the bank and about 200k in available credit via cards.  I started researching business loans and came across an application for an SBA loan through a local bank.  I applied and to make a long story short - they would only loan me the money if I invested a large percent of my OWN money.  Looking back it makes sense for the bank but for me, it meant I had to invest EVERY freaking penny I had without leaving ANY reserves.  So they loaned me 150k and I had to pull the remaining 75k out of my home equity line to equal 225K which was still 25k less than what I needed to get started according to my business plan.  DID THIS STOP ME????????  No, crazy fucking obsessed girl said "let's do this!!!  I can make it work, I know I can." 

Then, on top of it all I had a boyfriend that agreed to go into this adventure with me to be my full time manager.  I did not plan on quitting my regular nursing job but to stay on part time to retain my medical benefits and small monthly income so I did not have to pull a salary to begin with.  Well, crazy girl, my boyfriend was a Mexican guy with NO BUSINESS EXPERIENCE at all, no management skills, spoke with a heavy accent and one of the most laid back, quiet, non confrontational guys I've ever known.  He was a great boyfriend because we never fought about anything, he just always said yes. But  he had absolutely no KNOW HOW to make a business work.  So we were the blind leading the blind.   I couldn't see it at the time, it all seemed perfectly normal and to this day I feel that if the economy had not taken a big fat dump into the toilet as soon as I opened this business, it may still be thriving today.

SO, in a nutshell, this is what happened financially to open this business.  I borrowed 150k on an SBA loan, I pulled the remaining 75k out of my HELOC  and put that in the same account.  I owed about 100k in cc debt but still had about 75 left to use if I needed it.  I had an already successful business online in which I drew about 12k a month in gross revenue.  Probably 4 of it was profit but I was the sole customer service person and I did ALL the online stuff myself.  I had about 25k in inventory of stuff I sold online and pretty large customer base in my area.  I was the "GO TO" girl for the product I was selling.  I honestly believed I had a shot.  I never expected to make a million dollar but I DID expect to be able to pay my mortgage and car with the revenue from the business.

OK, so the leasing agent negotiated the lease down to 13k a month with a signed 10yr contract.  I got 6 months free in order to get on my feet and do tenant improvement and got the keys in August of 2007.  We spent 85k in tenant improvement and had a bit of a nightmare with the construction company I chose to do it.  That was our first hiccup among many in the beginning of our adventure.  It took a full 2 months to get it all done and we opened in November of 2007. 

Kinda stupid but at the time I didn't know that for my particular business - November and December are DEAD MONTHS?  LOL  I never knew this until I had my own million dollar brand new beautiful business!!!!!  The first 2 months we didn't have to pay rent but we didn't make ANY money, we just promoted and made flyers and kicked our asses trying to get people to come in.  We planned a grand opening extravaganza the end of January and got BIG names to volunteer their time and expertise to help make it work.

Work it DID!!!  We drew about 400 people, had a bunch of big names and had the mayor come and do a ribbon cutting ceremony.  They even televised it on the local new channel.  We sold a ton of tickets and made about 3500 dollars in tickets and sales.  It was a huge success.

The next day though, we were empty again.  GEEZ.  Frustrating. 

Over the next 5 years I did everything I thought of to make things work better and smoother.  I started a new website for the business.  I promoted each stream of revenue separately, I formatted our programs to build a better client base.  Unfortunately, everything I tried took time and effort to see if it would work and if it didn't it was kind of a huge loss.  We did OK for a while and the business started to grow.  My website was getting 10 thousand hits a month.  I was top 3 in google for several key words.   I actually felt like we might make it. 

Then the hits started coming.  Another thing I didn't know was that business was a very cut throat world.  Whenever you start making money, there is always someone with a hand out to take it but even worse, there is someone you trust just waiting and planning to steal it as soon as the opportunity presents itself.  This happened to me not once but TWICE!!!!  My own employees!!!  People I trusted.  Everyone is out for themselves and no one gave a shit about the big picture.  Everyone had an idea, everyone had something to say but no one would put money on what they said nor would they lift a finger to help without getting the all mighty dollar in return.  All the words of wisdom were always free though. LOL

After the second backstabbing incident I was not able to survive and had to shut down.  I owed tons of money on back rent, to some of my employees as well as the government in back taxes.  It was not a pretty picture.  But I got out, after 5 yrs of breaking my back and not getting any monetary return and now I'm back to full time nursing.

I GOOD at being a nurse.  The business was just a crazy adventure and another stupid decision in my life but looking back at the BIG picture it was learning experience and I don't think I regret it.  It taught me who my real friends were and that people in general were not be trusted when it comes to money.  It taught me good things and bad things but after it's all said and done I survived.  I rent a house now, I lost the two I owned.  I still owe about 7k on taxes but that's really about it.

The landlord sued me for a million dollars and got a judgment but that ended up being reversed because of some legal technicality so I'm no worse for wear.  I'm still friends with my old partner although we broke up as bf and gf over 4 years ago.

 I hope this story will help anyone planning an adventure of their own to not make rash decisions and think things through thoroughly.  I think I would of been able to pull it off had I been a shrewd business person with better people skills and better management skills.

So that's the story of the biz.  It is of course condensed but it gives what happened in a nutshell. 

Was I crazy for thinking I could make that work?  Was it just a bad decision or did it have some sort of meaning?  Are there other people out there that make obsessive decisions also lose their entire life savings to make it happen?  Or am I the only crazy person that does that?

I hope this story didn't bore you to death.

Thoughts on buying a boyfriend

The older I get the harder it is to find an appropriate boyfriend.  It of course doesn't help that my picker is broken.  When you get to be 40 and over and you still don't have that lifetime mate, the chances of finding him are that much slimmer.  I don't know if you have the same issues with men as I do but here is what I think.

Men my age, the good ones, are already taken.  Women scoop them up so quick it makes your head spin and they KEEP them because they are good guys.  The ones that are divorced are usually divorced for a reason.  They are someone else's reject and in their mind it is always the other persons fault and they don't learn a darn thing from the whole experience.  They just think they got the bad end of the deal because they still have to support their kids even though they are not married to mom any more.  Boo hoo and their broken heart.  They end up being bitter cry babies that don't trust anyone and are very difficult to get to know.

Men that have NEVER been married are that way for a reason also.  Usually too selfish to hang onto a woman for any length of time or incapable of committing.  For me, maybe one in 500 guys I meet are even worth the time to get to know.  THEN, they either REALLY like me and want a relationship and I have no intimate attraction to them OR I REALLY like them and want a relationship and they don't want to have anything to do with it.  It's been this way for me for years and years and years.  I have met and gotten to know lots of great guys - guys that will make someone a good husband some day but guys that would NEVER have sex with and in a relationship - that poses a problem.

Now, one thing you should know about me is that I am very bad with money and I don't save a lot and or manage it well at all.  I do OK for income and whenever I want something I just buy it.  Usually if I have the money or not and that is why I really don't have much to show for my lifetime of work other than a high overhead and luxuries most people don't want to afford.  I have a personal chef for Christ's sake!!!  Had her for over a year and it's the best thing I've ever invested in but she is expensive and I have her in lieu of saving money to buy a house or something else more investment like.

Many years ago I thought of the "buy a boyfriend" idea.  I think it's a great idea but unfortunately, the good ones aren't all that cheap.  My income is good but not THAT good.  I've run the idea across some of my girlfriends and they all think I'm crazy.  LOL - hence I blogging about it.

So think about it.  If you hire someone to be your boyfriend then it's their JOB to not be an ass wipe and to make sure that you remain happy.  They don't get their paycheck if they don't behave!!!!  How cool would THAT be????  Of course the screening process would be vigorous.  You have to find someone that had all the characteristics you like and was willing to be a "yes" man.  A lot of guys, especially the really hot ones, have these really big egos and they can't just relax and do what YOU want.  They need to make decisions and be the aggressor.  And that's ok too but not if you are paying him.

If I ever win the lotto, that is what I will do, buy a boyfriend. 

When I first met "A" I ran the idea by him and he was all for it.  He was so insistent that he could do the job that I agreed to give it a try.  I figured out how much I could afford and ran it by him.  I told him he had to sign a contract and that I would give him a paper with a job description on it.   I actually put a lot of thought into this description.  I didn't want to expect too much but I also wanted enough to make it worth the money right?

OMFG, can you believe I did that????  A JOB DESCRIPTION!!!  It made perfect sense to me at the time but this guy was just the WORST boyfriend EVER!!!!  Even with a written job description he just could NOT show up, be reliable in any way shape or form and I think he invoked the best and the worst feelings in me over the years of anyone else I had ever known.   We go back almost 4 years by now.  I so totally fell for him I made myself nauseous because he was such a jerk and I could think of NO ONE else.  I STILL pine over that son of a bitch and looking over our history he was never anything but an investment.  I DID hire him, just not on the terms I had imagined. LOL

Soon I will blog the story of A but it's a long one.  At this point we are broke up and it's been almost a whole week.  Maybe he really meant it this time.  Who knows.  At this point though I do know without a shadow of a doubt, that it is NOT me and it makes it so much easier to let go.  I miss him but I haven't cried and I haven't really HURT over it.  I took that privilege away from him the first time he made me crazy and I reacted as such.  THAT will certainly never happen again. GEEZ!!!!

When I make a million bucks - I'm gonna buy someone that looks like this. Young hot studs are just that - YOUNG HOT STUDS!!!  They are great for sex, if they aren't gay (many of them are) and they are fun to play with but for the most part, they like YOUNG hot chicks.  I'm an old hot chick, pretty much middle age.  I look good for my age but I'm not 30 any more, that is for sure.   So I need to buy one to go out with, do the stuff I like to do with, generally all the OTHER things that aren't sex.

Do you think this is Crazy? 

Michael I think you should leave

So last weekend I went to visit my friend (I use this word lightly) Michael.  I've known this guy for the better part of 2 and a half years and his story is just so ridiculous I have to share it with you.  I must be crazy to even keep his number in my phone but once in a while, I use it.  I think it might just be for entertainment purposes.

I met him on an online dating site probably a couple of years ago.  He is a bit taller than myself, thin, white, clean cut and probably 15 years younger.  I think he was 32 when I was 45.  So 13 years younger.  We dated maybe 5 times.  Actually DATED - like went to a place and hung out, had drinks, laughed, talked and generally attempted to get to know each other.  He never came to my house and I never went to his.  We always met out somewhere.

At the time, I was dating a lot of different guys because I was ON that stupid site.  Unfortunately the only reason I was on the site was because I had fallen for a young stud, we will call him A, that is just the biggest JERK  MOFO I have ever met.  Totally nuts that I fell for this guy but he is another story altogether  - a GOOD one so stay tuned.  Anyway, Michael was a distraction as well as all the other men I was meeting and/or dating to keep my mind off A.  Who just never paid enough attention to me.

Most guys would only last a couple of dates because if they don't get sex on the first or second date then it's no longer worth their time to pursue it.  Dating sites are time consuming if you want a little more than just a roll in the hay.  Michael though was a bit more persistent.  He was OK, I liked him enough and he called and/or texted and at least acted like he was interested in me.  He had a decent job, drove a decent car and talked ALOT about himself.  Very Type A personality.

Anyway, after date 5 it was time.  Either put out or quit.    So I agreed to go to his house.  On the way there I got a call on my cell from none other than "A".  He asked what I was doing and I lied.  Told him I was out with a girlfriend or some stupid thing like that.  I guess it gave me a guilty conscience because when I got to Mike's place I was no longer all THAT interested.  There were other issues, let me explain.

Cheesy Bathroom Picture

So I get there and he lives in a studio apartment in a HUGE complex.  When I walked in the first thing I saw was the bed which made me feel like I was there JUST to use it.  LOL  I guess I was but still, I didn't want to FEEL that way.  It seemed like a total fuck nest that he brought as many girls as he could to and I was going to be another notch on the wall.   We started to talk and some of the things that came out of the conversation was that he knew exactly how many women he had had sex with - 179 I think was the number - and that number was significantly higher due to online dating.  He probably had sex with someone different every week and he not only TOLD me this but I think he was proud of it.

I'm thinking in my head -geez, what a slut!!!!!  But here I am!!!  Sometimes, when I'm with someone I don't really want to have sex with and don't want to NOT give him anything,  I will just give him a BJ till he cums and then it's over - I don't have to let him put it in and he's still happy, Right?  BJ's don't count!!  Well I lay him back and whip out his very average to small cock and start sucking it.  He is all happy but unfortunately, there is kind of a musty odor down there that really doesn't do much for me.

I try for a few minutes to just get him to cum but I can't really get into it because of the odor.  It wasn't horrible, just kind of musty, like an old coat that's been hanging in the closet for months.   I'm thinking this in my head when he pulls it out of my mouth and turns me over on the bed.  As he does this I kind of slither off the side of the bed so I'm hanging half on, half off the bed with my butt almost touching the floor.  He gets down on his knees and tries sucking my tits but geez, I was SOOOO not into him and he looked like a little freaking bug moving around on the floor trying to turn me on and having NO SUCCESS WHATSOEVER!!!!!  

Finally I'm like, STOP.  OMG.  Just stop.   I move out of his reach and away from him  He is kind of flustered by now and really has no idea what is going through my head.  I tell him, "lets just take a break, I want to eat some sherbet"  (I brought sherbet and raspberries for dessert)  I get a bowl of sherbet and rasberries and im sitting on his bed eating it with a spoon.  He is standing if front of me in his boxers and I am checking out his body.  Having no real mind to mouth filter I say "Man, you really ARE skinny aren't you?

Geez, he was so pissed he tells me I'm a total bitch and that that was a really fucked up thing to say.  Then he says he thinks I should leave.  He is really throwing me out.  HAHAHAHA  So I say, OK.  I get my stuff and head out.  No biggie - I wasn't really all that into him (well, not into him AT ALL!!!)  I think that was the first time I ever got thrown out.  LOL.  I guess it was time.  I didn't feel bad about it at all.  I wander aimlessly around his stupid complex until he finally comes out on the balcony and asks what the hell I'm doing.  I guess he kept hearing the click click of my heels on the sidewalk.  I tell him I'm lost and he says "Jesus, fuck!!!  Just wait, I'll come down." 

He comes down and walks me to the car - just not happy AT ALL but being semi nice because he thinks maybe he may still have a chance?  I don't know.  Whatever.  We tried to talk and he just couldn't get over the fact that I could suck his scrawny, musty little cock and NOT still fuck him.  I told him that my big burly Mexican boyfriend called me right before I got there and that was the reason.  It made sense at the time.  It was even in a sense a little true because I was really pining over that guy at the time (still do sometimes).

So that is the beginning of Michael I think you should leave.  He is even in my phone under that name.  It's been more than 2 years and there are a few more good stories that ill save for another entry.  Just giving you the background.

Was that crazy or just me being stupid and seeking attention from an unwanted source because I wasn't getting it from the wanted source.  Give me some feedback here.

 

A Little Background

Im going to give you a little background on ME.  Where I came from and a bit of where my silly personality began.  I'll try and be brief because I don't want to bore you.

I was born in a cold country as a second daughter to a lovely woman that loved us both very much.  Unfortunately she fell in love with a man that was too selfish to have kids and when he found out she was pregnant with me, he left.  Never to be seen again.   That was 47 years ago.

When I was 3 we came to California on a vacation to visit an uncle and I stopped crying, (because I wasn't COLD)  so we stayed.  I am now a full fledged California girl.   I love the weather here and in all my travels have never been to a place I would rather LIVE than right here at home.

My mom remarried to a Columbian man and had a son that is 7 yrs younger than me.  They have

been divorced for a number of years now because I think my moms picker is just as bad as mine.  I guess we are both destined to grow old alone. (which according to me, is not as bad as it sounds)

Since being a single mom with 3 kids is not so easy we grew up kinda poor.  Wore a lot of hand me downs and most of my toys were hand made.  We always had food on the table though and a roof over our heads and I NEVER felt unloved by my mom and family.  So even though there was not a lot of money, I was happy.

At the tender young age of about 10 (I was in the 4th grade and don't remember the circumstances) I brought some of my moms alcohol to school in small bottles and shared it with my friends.  Some lady living across the street saw us and we got caught and in a bunch of trouble but that was the beginning of my drug and alcohol career.  By the time I was getting out of elementary school I had smoked pot, drank alcohol and was exposed to some other drugs. 

To this day I don't even know WHY I liked it so much.  Pot was never my thing because I couldn't think right but I really liked being drunk.  That was cool.  My career only lasted till I was 22 and I don't remember a lot of that time but I think it molded me into what I am today.

Anyway, we had a neighbor next door with a son that was about 20 yrs old when I was 12, almost 13.  Let's call him C.  (I have to leave out names to protect the innocent.)  hahahahah  Anyway, C played guitar in a band and we used to sit outside his house at night with all the young girls in the neighborhood just swooning over this guy.  Everyone was in love with C.

He of course took a liking to ME!!!!  He was my first boyfriend - looking back now it was kind of gross cuz I would KILL my daughter if she was sucking face with a 20yr old when she was 12!!!!  But at the time it wasn't gross at all but VERY exciting.  With C I experienced my first kiss, my first touch, my first orgasm, my first BJ.  We had some major make out sessions and he frequently snuck in my bedroom window at night to lay with me.  I let him touch me, diddle me, lick my breasts and the excitement it invoked was unbelievable.  I LOVED having orgasms!!!  But low and behold we never actually HAD sex in that he never inserted his penis into my vagina.  He never broke the hymen.  I guess that's why after all these years I still feel like BJ's don't count - it's NOT cheating because it's NOT sex.

My mom used to ask me if I wanted to get on birth control because she was sooooo afraid I was going to get pregnant but I kept telling her NO because C and I were not having sex.

C had a lot of friends and many of them were pretty hot.  One in particular, let's call him K, took a liking to me and the feelings were mutual.  I felt I wanted to try someone new and told C about it.  Obviously that didn't go over so well and C had a major breakdown.  I think he was in love with me even though he was so much older than me.   Anyway, long story short, I dumped C to be with his best friend K and HE was my first lover.  He was 18 and I was 14.  I knew many weeks before we did it that I was going to so I asked my mom for birth control.  She put me on the pill, sent me to the cold country for 6 weeks over the summer and when I got home I spread my legs for K and let him in.

OMG - it was the BEST.  I was instantly addicted.  We banged like rabbits for a year and 9 months.  sometimes 3 and 4 times a day.  He had a truck with a camper shell and he put an egg crate mattress back there.  Just rocked that thing like there was no tomorrow.  (Obviously I'm an addictive person because everything I do that I like, I do to  the extreme.  You will learn this when I start blogging my daily adventures)  We had lots of fun together but what I remember MOST of K is the non stop SEX.  Geez, all the freaking time. 

After about almost 2 years of this I met a guy at school that I thought was hot and sexy.  Once again I wanted to try something new so I told K about it and geez, these guys just didn't like moving on.  What a nightmare break up.  But I did it and started sleeping with T.

He was awesome too.  I invited him over one night and he came to my house (my mom worked the night shift so I could have guys over and she never knew - words of wisdom to nightshift workers with kids).  I romped this guy a new world and then sent him home with a few hickies.  I saw him at school the next day and the other kids were harassing him about it.  He didn't say my name but winked at me.  He started being a regular thing after that but we never told anyone.  It was kind of our secret.  He even started seeing the cheer captain and told me about it and I said it was ok.  Weird huh?  He would spend his days at school with the cheer girl - can't remember her name - and come to me at night.  That was when I realized that men are cheaters and liars and I was more comfortable being the OTHER woman.  I didn't really CARE about the relationship thing, I just wanted to have as many orgasms as I could.

Well, this gives you an idea of where I come from and how it all began. I sobered up when I was 22 - another story all together - and lost count of the guys I had slept with by the time I was 17.  (I kept track in a calendar once but there were so many I embarrassed myself and stopped doing it. LOL.)  I became a nurse at the age of 18 and am still doing it today.  I love my job. 

I DID get married but I did not even make it to my 3rd anniversary.  It sucked being married.  I had a daughter with him,  she is now a teenager - 16 and still a VIRGIN!!!  How the hell it happened I have no idea but I'm grateful.  She gets straight A's in school and seems to have a bit of common sense and a good foundation for success.  I was a terrible mom but she turned out OK so maybe I wasn't so bad after all huh?

I am going to try to blog my activities by interesting stories of stupid stuff and bad decisions I seem to keep doing.    I'll try to entertain and not be boring but please take the poll and tell me - Am I crazy? or just ME?